ahoy, i gave it a watch and i took down some notes.
to get the obvious out of the way, i don't play RPGM games, the only ones i've ever played were DD submissions. i also don't have a lot of experience with deep story-rich games dealing with complex emotional issues, i'm more of an action kind of guy. with that said, take my feedback with more than a punch of salt since i'm not your target audience and chances are i don't know what i'm talking about.

>basics
crop your video in obs or whatever else. showing your desktop will make people tab out early since they'll assume this is rushed - so why would they spend 45mins of their time for something "rushed"?

>intro cutscene
the animations are great, but this is the only (group of) cutscene(s) where the pacing feels off. it gives me a feeling that unimportant scenes (like transitional scenes) are too long, while important (to me at least?) scenes are very short. i don't really know how else to put it, but i'd advise to look through it a few times and to slightly shorten some scenes.

>language
the standard way to notice ESL writing in my opinion is the lack of shorthand. people aren't really that verbose in their thoughts or when speaking to others. Nobody would ever say "What the fuck is wrong with this person" but instead "What's fucking wrong with her?". there was a lot of "wasted" space as well - talking to the instagram girl had a few "huh?" "what?" boxes. while they do convey the message that Sarah has no idea what's being said, it can probably be done in a better way instead of having every reply of hers be "huh?" another thing that was annoying was that two messages from the same character (Sarah saying watch your mouth -> do you have any smokes") was divided into two boxes. at first i thought the instagram girl was speaking since usually a text refresh indicates a new character is speaking.

>visuals
great stuff. sarah is cute. world design is interesting, but i'd specifically like more uses of camera position. don't know how to explain this, but i liked the elevator scene before you go to gordon, with how everything is contained on the left side of the screen and the right side is just the red elevator background. more stuff where the player isn't in the center is a nice change of pace. following up that scene, it would be cool if the black background in those scenes (especially the one in gordon's place) would just use the red elevator background instead of having both. you already have such a nice texture, may as well use it fully.

>martha and crab pictures, mosca playing card
nice.

>Avatars/images of characters
different expressions for speaking characters or to show emotions would go a looooong way here. i think this is the #1 thing you should focus on

>music
excellent. top tier. beautiful. i especially like the saint of the blind fight theme. whoever does your vocals is top tier

otherwise everything else is great. i can't comment on the story other than that i'm enjoying it. the characters all have distinct personalities. the setting is engaging, and the story is evolving at a good pace. i like the catboy slavs, cyka. they represent our heritage well.

keep up the good work! i'm eagerly monitoring your progress.